Connection within the Chaos
Yeah, we're going to talk about self care
I don’t know about you, but I have felt myself drift a bit more into overwhelm in the past week or two. The hopelessness, helplessness, and low grade panic begins to set it as my threat response starts to howl. I’ve been here before- I start finding it more difficult to get off of my phone and do something more fun, much less productive. I’m grumpier with my family. My stomach starts to ache, my head hurts daily, and I wake up with a scowl across my face. And then the universe starts sending me messages to slow down- one of my mentors talked about this very subject last week.
I have kids to care for, clients to make room for, and community I want to show up for. But, I have to take care of me, too. She has to have space!
So, I’m making a conscious effort this week to gently shift into a different state. It’s a state that is still aware and connected, but boundaried and grounded in my own life. It’s not a zen state (I’m activated!) and it’s not always regulated even, as it might not even be a coherent response. It’s not turning off a response or tuning out. It’s an attempt to move my attention.
Movement
I’m starting with moving my body. I haven’t been moving as much since the beginning of September and I know that if I’m not moving, something feels wrong in my body. It feels good to lift weights or get on the walking pad for a few minutes with an audiobook, but this morning I even went outside for a short walk (GASP, I know, it was only 77 degrees this morning).
Movement requires the sympathetic nervous system and allows us to move through the things that feel stuck in our body. Even if it’s simply dancing alone to a Spotify playlist, that movement can help us complete stress responses and come back to baseline.
Screen Time
When my screen time goes up, my mental health goes down. Last week, I started sleeping with my phone next to me again. I got out of the habit years ago, but for safety reasons, I wanted it nearby. It suddenly became the first thing I looked at after waking up again.
Sometimes, there is just nothing to be done, but I do know that I need to nip the screen time in the bud after a few days or the habit sticks around. And it always takes a few days. I have to REPLACE my screen time with something else. Apps like Opal and Focus Friend help, but I need something more interesting or fun than my phone. Yesterday, it was a really good book. In the evenings, we’ve been watching something that needs my full attention (subtitles!) and if I’m on my phone, I miss every bit of the extremely engaging plot. I have put the phone in its nighttime spot again. All of this takes EFFORT.
We have little portable trauma machines with us all the time, streaming the horrors into our eyeballs. We were never meant to take in all of this information about the suffering of other human beings in. It is a lot for one person to process. We have 24 hour news cycles and social commentary flooding our brains. Of course this is going to impact us and our nervous system. Giving yourself a break, even if just for an hour, can be helpful.
Connecting with Other Humans
I had a very busy weekend of connecting with other people. On Friday, I had dinner plans with my friend. On Saturday, Tim and I went to see Les Miserables. On Sunday, I hosted my book club and then spent too much money at a local nursery. I need alone time desperately, but I do know that I need the connection and fun away from everything that is so serious right now. Sometimes, even as an introvert, I need connection more than solitude.
Co-regulation is an important piece of nervous system regulation. We were born without the ability to regulate our own temperatures, much less our nervous system. We need other people in order to register that we are safe. (Yes, this is complicated when other people are not safe.) Social engagement and social connection generally tell the body that we are safe.
Self Care in Chaos
What does caring for yourself look and feel like for you? How can you support having a soft landing place at the end of the day? Can you turn towards yourself in small moments as if you were a child or a pet needing care and attention?
This is what self care is. Sure, we can’t really self care our way into nervous system healing. But it is a necessary part of the process. KC Davis, one of my favorites on TikTok, says that you don’t have to love yourself to care for yourself. In fact, caring for yourself can actually help you to learn that you are worthy of that care.
You are worth being cared for.
Here are some other ways you can care for yourself:
Feed yourself a comforting meal
Clean a space
Read a book
Make something- art, music, crafts
Watch a comfort show
Listen to some music
Give someone a 30 second hug (ask first, lol)
Gardening or tend to plants
Go outside and hang out
Play a game with someone
Do something productive, like calling your local representatives
Call a friend
Snuggle
Pet your furry friends or go to a local pet shelter
Hike
Go to therapy or somatic experiencing
Go to a bookstore
Feed yourself spiritually in whatever way that works for you
Eat the nutritious food that’s right for you
Cancel plans
Make plans
Remove social media from your phone for a few days
I’d love to hear how you are purposefully bringing yourself to your baseline this week- comment with how you are or how you would like to care for you this week. We need to care for ourselves and others right now. If you are struggling, please connect with someone who can help.
Sending you love,
Lindsay
Great self-care list. I am going to put you in my recommendations for a few days! Blessings :)